Dear Jhi,
I think what made my birthday feel different this year wasn’t really the birthday itself.
It was the fact that, somewhere in the middle of planning it, I started thinking about you.
I had been trying to figure out what I wanted to do. I had plans in my head, places I wanted to go, things I wanted to experience. And somehow, you became part of those plans without me even realizing it.
I started wondering…
What if I went to Manila?
What if I spent my birthday with you?
The thought was exciting, but at the same time, I hesitated.
Because I didn’t know if you would actually have the time.
I know you have your own life, your own responsibilities, your work, your family. I know you’re not someone who can simply drop everything whenever I want you to. And honestly, I didn’t want to plan my birthday around you only to find out that you wouldn’t have any free time.
So there was another option.
Baguio.
I could just go by myself.
I could make my own plans, enjoy my birthday, take pictures, wander around, and not have to worry about whether someone would be available to spend it with me.
It would be easier that way.
Sa totoo lang, maybe that was the safer choice.
But then there was still this little part of me wondering what it would feel like if I chose Manila instead.
If I chose you.
After our phone call, I finally asked what you thought.
Not because I wanted you to decide my birthday for me.
I think I just wanted to know what was going through your mind when you imagined me coming to Manila.
Would you want me there?
Would you actually make time for me?
Would we get to spend my birthday together?
Or would I end up there while you were busy with everything else?
Those were the things I couldn’t really ask without feeling a little vulnerable.
Because asking you what you thought wasn’t really just about choosing between Manila and Baguio.
It was me quietly asking,
“If I choose to spend my birthday near you, would you choose to spend some of it with me?”
And maybe that’s why I was nervous about asking.
Because sometimes the answer to a simple question can tell you more than you expected.
I don’t know yet what will happen.
I don’t know if I’ll end up in Manila or Baguio.
I don’t know how much free time you’ll have.
I don’t even know what my birthday will look like.
But I know one thing.
The fact that I even considered changing my birthday plans because of you means something.
A few months ago, I wouldn’t have imagined that someone I met through a game would eventually become someone I would want beside me on my birthday.
Someone whose schedule I’d wonder about.
Someone whose opinion I’d actually ask for.
Someone I’d think about when deciding where I wanted to be on a day that was supposed to be all about me.
Maybe that’s the funny thing about getting close to someone.
They slowly become part of your plans without asking to be.
And suddenly, a birthday isn’t just about where you want to go.
It’s also about who you secretly hope will be there.
Always,
Nikka