This is something I’ve wanted to write for a while because it’s a question I’ve been asked, and honestly, it’s not always easy to answer.
The short answer?
I still believe in God. I haven’t lost my faith. I just happen to be walking through one of the hardest seasons of my life.
I’m struggling emotionally and mentally.
This is the biggest reason.
Some days, just getting out of bed feels like an accomplishment. Going outside takes so much energy that people don’t always see. It’s not about being lazy or making excuses. I’m simply trying to get through each day the best I can.
I get dizzy when I leave the house.
This isn’t something I choose.
Because of what I’ve been going through, I often feel dizzy and uncomfortable whenever I go out. That’s why I’m very selective about leaving home. It’s not because I don’t want to. Sometimes, I genuinely can’t.
I’m not ready yet.
I know some people say church is where broken people belong, and I agree.
But right now, my heart isn’t ready.
I don’t want to walk into church feeling overwhelmed, distracted, or emotionally exhausted. I want to be present when I worship—not just physically there, but mentally and emotionally too.
My faith has become very personal.
Just because I’m not sitting in a church pew every Sunday doesn’t mean I’ve stopped talking to God.
I still pray. I still believe. I still thank Him, question Him, cry to Him, and trust Him.
Those conversations happen quietly, often within the walls of my own home.
Healing takes time.
I’ve learned that healing isn’t something you can rush.
I’m trying to be patient with myself instead of pretending everything is okay when it isn’t. Some days are better than others, and that’s enough for now.
I’m choosing honesty over appearances.
I could force myself to attend church just so people know I’m there.
But I’d rather be honest about where I am than pretend I’m okay when I’m not.
I don’t think God expects perfection from me. I think He values honesty.
I believe God understands.
If anyone knows what I’m carrying, it’s Him.
He knows the prayers I can’t put into words. He knows the tears no one else sees. He knows the battles happening inside me.
And somehow, that brings me comfort.
This isn’t goodbye.
This isn’t me walking away from my faith.
It’s simply a pause while I heal.
I hope there comes a day when I can walk back into church with a lighter heart and a stronger mind. Not because I finally have everything figured out, but because I’ve found enough strength to take that step.
Until then, I’ll keep praying.
I’ll keep believing.
And I’ll keep trusting that God hasn’t stopped walking with me, even during the seasons when I can’t make it to church.
Because faith isn’t measured only by where you spend your Sunday morning.
Sometimes, faith is simply choosing to hold on to God, even on the days when getting through the day is the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do.