Dear Jhi,
August 23 is my birthday.
And for days before that, I had been trying to figure out what I should do.
Should I go to Baguio on my own?
Or should I come to Manila and spend my birthday with you?
I kept asking if you would have free time because, honestly, I wanted to see you.
I wanted to spend my birthday with you.
But I was also scared of making plans around you when I didn’t even know if you would be available.
Then I started wondering why you weren’t answering me.
I didn’t know that something was happening on your side.
Then you finally told me.
“Sorry nasa Gensan ako. Nasa hospital kasi ang mother ko. Kaya hindi ako nakakapagreply baka magalit ka sa akin.”
And suddenly, I understood.
You weren’t ignoring my questions.
You weren’t avoiding me.
You were in Gensan.
You were at the hospital with your mother.
While I was worrying about my birthday plans and wondering if you had time for me, you were dealing with something much heavier.
Then you told me,
“Sorry sa lahat. Unahin ko muna ang mama ko po. Bago ang lahat. Kami na lang dalawa nagdadamayan sa laban sa buhay. Pag nawala siya hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko.”
That was the moment everything changed for me.
Because suddenly, my birthday wasn’t the important thing anymore.
Not Manila. Not Baguio.
Not whether we would get to spend the day together.
Your mom was sick. And you were scared.
You were facing something you couldn’t simply put aside to answer my questions.
I remember telling you that I understood.
“Unahin mo muna mom mo. Thanks for letting me know. Andito lang ako. I’m praying for her recovery.”
And I meant it.
I think I had been so focused on wondering whether you would have time for me that I forgot there might be something happening in your life that I couldn’t see.
Now I understand why you kept saying the two of you were just holding on and fighting through it together.
I’m sorry, Jhi.
I wish I had known sooner.
If I had known, I wouldn’t have kept wondering why you weren’t answering.
I wouldn’t have worried about whether you wanted to spend my birthday with me.
I would have simply told you to stay with your mom.
Because sometimes, the person we are waiting for is not choosing to be distant.
Sometimes, they’re simply trying to be strong for someone they love.
And that was you.
On the days I was wondering where you were, you were in Gensan, beside your mother.
So yes, August 23 is my birthday.
But after learning what was happening, the only thing I really wanted was for your mom to get better.
And for you to be okay too.
Love,
Nikka