• Personal

    When Silence Starts to Speak

    May 19, 2025

    Dear Blog,

    Sorry, but once again, you’ve become the catcher of all my feelings.

    I don’t really have someone to vent all my frustrations in life to right now, so here you are—my safe space for now.

    I am honestly doing fine being single. I am happy, really.

    I have learned to enjoy my own company, chase what I want, and live life on my terms.

    But lately… I do not know.

    Out of nowhere, there is this quiet kind of sadness that creeps in.

    That longing for something more.

    That small voice deep down that still hopes to have something I can call home someday—a family of my own.

    I am proud of where I am. I have done things for myself, made decisions just for me.

    But it still feels different knowing someone is there—someone who reminds you you are not alone in this life.

    Not just anyone, but someone who chooses to stay, especially on the days you do not even ask them to.

    So yeah, I am feeling all sorts of things today.

    Too many thoughts, emotions I cannot fully name.

    And this is not even like me—I am not usually this emotional.

    But here I am. Writing again. Rambling again.

    And you— yes, you, in case you ever come across this—

    I hope you are someone who understands what this kind of silence means.

    I hope you are someone who will stay, not just when it is light and easy, but even when my heart feels like this—unfiltered, unsure, but honest.

    That is all for now.

    ’Til next time, blog.

    —Me

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  • Personal

    In Case You Are Him

    May 6, 2025

    Hi Future,

    I do not really know how to start this, but here goes.

    If ever you come into my life, I hope you know… I did not expect you. Not because I stopped believing, but because I got tired. Tired of getting too close, only to end up losing. I have always had this habit of pulling away when I feel too much, because deep down, I am scared. Scared of falling completely. Scared of being too much. Scared of not being enough.

    Truth is, I am not the jealous type—but when I care, I do. And when I do, it shows. I overthink, I feel deeply, I get bothered. And maybe that is why I try so hard to protect myself. That is why I have built walls. But if we ever get to that point where you are reading this, then I guess you are the one who did not give up on me. You stayed.

    I am not looking for perfect. I just want real. Someone consistent. Someone honest. Someone who sees me, flaws and all, and still chooses to stay. I will not ask you to fix me. I am not broken—I am just careful now. But if you are willing to walk with me through the good and the heavy, then I will meet you halfway. Maybe even more than that.

    And when the time comes, I hope we build something solid—simple, but safe. The kind that does not need to be loud to be felt. The kind that feels like home.

    So yeah… if you are out there, take your time. I am not rushing. I have waited this long—I can wait a little more.

    — Nikka

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  • Personal

    Unexpected Conversations

    April 29, 2025

    Dear Blog,

    It’s been three weeks since I downloaded Dark War Survival. I am actually surprised—I am happy to have found something I genuinely enjoy playing. Yup, I got hooked. Usually, I delete games when I get bored or lose interest. But this one? It is different.

    In just weeks of playing, I have already met a few people. And then there is this one person. At first, I just replied casually. I did not really want to get close to anyone. In my mind, it is just a game, right?

    But somehow, we started talking almost every day. He would ask random things, and I’d reply. He is smart. He loves dogs. He enjoys playing. And he is an ECE.

    Then slowly, the conversations went a little deeper. We talked about partners and their roles, love languages, and all that stuff. His answers? Not the usual. There is depth. There is thought. The kind of replies you want to reread because they stick with you.

    And there was this one part — something he said — that made me tear up. I do not even know why. I could not explain it. It just hit somewhere soft.

    It is funny how something that started so casually could leave an unexpected mark.

    Let us see where this goes. Or if it even has to go anywhere.

    Till next time,

    —Me

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