• Personal

    Unexpected Conversations

    April 29, 2025

    Dear Blog,

    It’s been three weeks since I downloaded Dark War Survival. I am actually surprised—I am happy to have found something I genuinely enjoy playing. Yup, I got hooked. Usually, I delete games when I get bored or lose interest. But this one? It is different.

    In just weeks of playing, I have already met a few people. And then there is this one person. At first, I just replied casually. I did not really want to get close to anyone. In my mind, it is just a game, right?

    But somehow, we started talking almost every day. He would ask random things, and I’d reply. He is smart. He loves dogs. He enjoys playing. And he is an ECE.

    Then slowly, the conversations went a little deeper. We talked about partners and their roles, love languages, and all that stuff. His answers? Not the usual. There is depth. There is thought. The kind of replies you want to reread because they stick with you.

    And there was this one part — something he said — that made me tear up. I do not even know why. I could not explain it. It just hit somewhere soft.

    It is funny how something that started so casually could leave an unexpected mark.

    Let us see where this goes. Or if it even has to go anywhere.

    Till next time,

    —Me

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  • Personal

    Happy Birthday in Heaven, Dade

    April 13, 2025

    Today is your birthday, Dade. Happy birthday in Heaven. I really miss you down here. I still wish you were alive—so I’d have someone with me here at home. It gets lonely sometimes. Even though I’ve gotten used to this setup, and I’m doing okay, it would still be so much better if you were here.

    I visited you today after church. Honestly, I wasn’t planning to go—I was scared to go alone. But I did it anyway. I gathered my courage and went. That alone felt like a big thing for me. When I got there, I saw your grave, but I couldn’t get close. There were so many overgrown weeds and tall plants—some already looked like trees. There was no clear path to walk through. Still, I stood there for a while, just being there with you.

    While I was there, Sitsit called. I showed him the place through a video call. He got curious and said, “So this is Wowo’s house now.” And he’s right—that’s your home now. We talked as I showed him the surroundings. It felt comforting to have someone with me, even just virtually.

    I miss your cooking the most. Especially the green leafy vegetables you loved making—saluyot, in particular. You even made a little song about it, remember? It still makes me smile thinking about it. Our bond over food is something I hold so close to my heart. Because of you, I learned to enjoy eating as a kid. I still remember that pork dish you made—it was so simple, but for some reason, it made me eat with such excitement. I think that’s when my love for food really started.

    I miss your pinapaitan too. There’s just something about the way you cooked it that’s different from Mame’s—your version had that special something. And the bulalo! Every time we went back to the province, that was always our request. Then there’s your igado, adobo, and so many more dishes. I miss them all. I miss you. So much.

    Wherever you are now, I hope you can feel how much I still carry you in my heart. I celebrate you today and always.

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  • Random

    Dark War Survival

    March 27, 2025

    I found this game a few days ago.

    At first, I didn’t think much of it — just another download. But I ended up playing it for three straight days. Not because it was amazing. Not because I was hooked.

    But because it gave me something to focus on…something that wasn’t my thoughts, my frustrations, or the things in life that feel too heavy lately.

    For a little while, it helped me breathe.

    Helped me quiet the noise in my head by giving me simple goals, small wins, and a break from reality — even if just through a screen.

    I deleted it today.

    Not because I hated it, but because I felt like I needed to pull myself back a bit.

    Still, before I let it go, I linked it to my email. Just in case I ever need it again. Not for the game itself… but for the quiet it gave me, when I needed it most.

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  • Random

    My Journey to 40: Accomplished Goals

    August 24, 2024

    As I approach the milestone of turning 40, I made a promise to myself: this year will count. I created a “40 Before 40” list — not just a bucket list of things to do, but a personal map of goals, challenges, and dreams I wanted to chase before stepping into a new decade. It’s been a journey of courage, change, and celebration.

    Some goals are still in progress, some are beautifully completed, and others have brought me more growth than I ever expected. Here are the highlights — my proudest, happiest, and most reflective moments so far:

    Adventure and Exploration
    • Travel somewhere SOLO – Still on the to-do list. I haven’t taken this plunge yet, but I’m planting the seed.
    • Take a road trip (April 28, 2024) DONE! We hit the road and drove through the countryside as a family — scenic views, small-town charm, and that exhilarating road trip freedom. I felt truly alive.
    • Celebrate New Year in a different province – Still hoping for this one.
    • Visit a new country – Thinking of India next. I haven’t gone yet this year, but the dream is alive — and the passport is ready!
    • Visit my nephew in North Carolina – Stayed for six months! Bonding with him and living life in a different rhythm was a highlight. A gentle, joyful chapter I’ll always remember.
    • See the Northern Lights – Oohhh… I missed the timing. But next time — I’ll be ready.
    • Move to another place – Still deciding where my next “home” will be.
    Wellness and Self-Care
    • Do a 5K run – Yes! At my own pace, no pressure. And that made it all the more meaningful.
    • Get in shape (65kg + bikini confidence) – Still working on this. Health is a journey.
    • Develop an exercise routine – Almost there. Consistency is my next milestone.
    • Enjoy regular spa days– Spa-at-home sessions = self-love. Still luxurious, still worth it.
    • Keep my face acne-free – Consistent skincare has been life-changing. The glow-up is real!
    Personal Style and Confidence
    • Try a short haircut – DONE! — and loved it. It was more than a style shift; it was a statement.
    • Lighten my hair color – A bold move out of my comfort zone — and worth it. Fresh color, fresh energy.
    • Build a capsule wardrobe – Still fine-tuning my style, but feeling more “me” every day.
    Financial Freedom
    • Get rid of credit card debt – Almost there. Some family support delays, but progress is progress.
    • Have savings and insurance – Still building this up. One step at a time.
    • Complete a 30–120 day “No Spend” challenge –  DONE! Being in the U.S. helped — no Shopee, Lazada, or FoodPanda temptations!
    Career and Creativity
    • Launch a YouTube channel – Maybe road trip stories? Still thinking about it.
    • Write in my blog daily – DONE! I’ve stayed consistent — and proud of it! This habit has sharpened my voice, helped me reflect, and allowed me to connect with others in meaningful ways.
    • Learn coding (Python) – Planning to take an online course — and it’s opened up exciting new skills and possibilities.
    • Explore a new career path – Still exploring. What truly excites me is worth the wait.
    • Take another college course – Still in the planning phase.
    • Take the board exam – A big one on the horizon.
    • Get promoted or move on – Still figuring this one out. I’m open.
    • Start a side hustle – Thinking and dreaming. Still mapping it out.
    Lifestyle and Dreams
    • Decorate or paint my rented apartment – Not applicable anymore — no more apartment!
    • Move to a condo unit – Someday, when the time (and place) feels right.
    • Buy myself an amazing 40th birthday gift – My sister gifted me the Coach bag I had been eyeing. It felt so good to be seen and celebrated.
    • Plan a memorable 40th birthday – A simple, heartfelt celebration with family. Quiet but deeply special.
    • Ride and own a motorcycle – Got my license! Now just need the family’s blessing to actually own one.
    • Buy a car – Still on the wishlist. Four wheels of freedom, coming soon.
    Learning and Passion Projects
    • Prioritize hobbies – v/blogging, journaling Yes! Making space for what brings me joy has been healing and grounding.
    • Learn Japanese – Still learning, slowly but surely.
    • Take a swim class – I love the beach. Time to learn to swim in it, too.
    Matters of the Heart
    • Become a morning person – Forever a night owl. I’ve made peace with that.
    • Get hitched and got married– If the right person comes along.
    • Have a baby – If life leads me there.
    Big Dreams
    • Manage a coffee shop – Still a dream. One day, maybe with a view.

    Not everything went as planned — but honestly, that’s life. And I’m proud of every step, even the slow ones. This list helped me focus, take risks, be honest with myself, and chase joy unapologetically. I may not check every box by 40, but what I’ve gained is far more than a list can hold.

    Here’s to everything I’ve done, everything I’m still working on, and all the beautiful unknowns ahead.

    What about you? Have you ever made a “Before 30/40/50” list? What’s one thing you’ve done this year that made you proud? Share with me in the comments — I’d love to cheer you on.

    Reflecting on these accomplishments fills me with pride and excitement for what’s to come. Each goal I’ve ticked off has brought me closer to the person I want to be as I enter this new decade of life. Here’s to the remaining goals and the adventures they’ll bring!

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  • Personal

    Dear 45-Year-Old Me

    August 23, 2024

    Dear 45-Year-Old Me,

    I hope you are okay.

    I hope the mornings feel lighter now, not because life got easier, but because you have learned how to carry things better. I wonder what your days look like. I wonder if you have finally found a rhythm that does not hurt.

    Did we make it to where we always wanted to be?

    I hope you have a job you like — or at least one that gives you peace. Something steady. Something that lets you breathe. You always said you didn’t need grand things — just something stable, something that lets you sleep at night without counting worries.

    I hope your room is quiet but not empty. That there are books, or music, or even just the sound of the fan as you rest. That your life is not loud, but it is full in its own quiet way.

    And love…

    Maybe someone came. Maybe no one did.

    But I hope you stopped measuring your worth by it.

    I hope you learned that love is not something to chase, but something that finds you when you are already whole. If they have not arrived yet, that is okay. Maybe you became everything you needed all on your own.

    I hope you are still kind — not just to others, but to yourself. I hope you do not replay old mistakes too often. I hope you have forgiven the younger version of us for not knowing better. She was trying. We both know that.

    And if things still do not look like the life we dreamed of, I hope they at least feel like something you have grown into.

    You are not late. You are just moving at your own pace.

    With all my hope,

    Your younger self

    Sometimes, life moves so fast that we forget to pause and check in with ourselves. So today, I decided to write a letter—to my future self. A letter that my 45-year-old me will one day read, filled with hopes, reminders, and maybe a little bit of advice. It’s like planting a time capsule of thoughts, dreams, and feelings that I want to remember and reflect on years from now. Writing this felt both strange and comforting, like having a conversation across time. I can’t wait to see how things have changed when I finally open it.

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  • Personal

    Me, at 40

    August 23, 2024

    I am 40 now.

    Honestly, it still feels weird to say. I thought things would look different by now. I thought I’d be more… settled. But here I am, still figuring things out.

    I left my job. I tried to make it work, stayed, hoped something better would come. It did not. I am jobless. And yeah, it is frustrating sometimes — to try and still feel like I am back at square one.

    Love? Still nothing.

    Still no one new.

    Still mending a heart that has been broken for a while now. Some days it is okay. Other days, not so much. But I have learned to sit with it — not fight it as much. Some pain just stays a little longer.

    But not everything feels heavy.

    This year, I had my first international trip.

    And I got to be with my sister again. Her family. My nephew.

    That part felt good. Like home. Like I could breathe.

    It reminded me that love shows up in different ways. And maybe that’s enough for now.

    At 40, I have not ticked all the boxes.

    No job. No partner.

    But I am here. I am trying.

    I have failed, yes — but I have also grown. Quietly. Slowly.

    I have learned to let go of things, people, places that were not for me.

    To be honest, I am still learning how to be okay with where I am.

    But I am proud I made it this far.

    So if I ever read this again someday —

    I hope I smile a little.

    And I hope I have found more peace than I have now.

    — Me, 40

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