• Personal

    Happy Birthday in Heaven, Dade

    April 13, 2025

    Today is your birthday, Dade. Happy birthday in Heaven. I really miss you down here. I still wish you were alive—so I’d have someone with me here at home. It gets lonely sometimes. Even though I’ve gotten used to this setup, and I’m doing okay, it would still be so much better if you were here.

    I visited you today after church. Honestly, I wasn’t planning to go—I was scared to go alone. But I did it anyway. I gathered my courage and went. That alone felt like a big thing for me. When I got there, I saw your grave, but I couldn’t get close. There were so many overgrown weeds and tall plants—some already looked like trees. There was no clear path to walk through. Still, I stood there for a while, just being there with you.

    While I was there, Sitsit called. I showed him the place through a video call. He got curious and said, “So this is Wowo’s house now.” And he’s right—that’s your home now. We talked as I showed him the surroundings. It felt comforting to have someone with me, even just virtually.

    I miss your cooking the most. Especially the green leafy vegetables you loved making—saluyot, in particular. You even made a little song about it, remember? It still makes me smile thinking about it. Our bond over food is something I hold so close to my heart. Because of you, I learned to enjoy eating as a kid. I still remember that pork dish you made—it was so simple, but for some reason, it made me eat with such excitement. I think that’s when my love for food really started.

    I miss your pinapaitan too. There’s just something about the way you cooked it that’s different from Mame’s—your version had that special something. And the bulalo! Every time we went back to the province, that was always our request. Then there’s your igado, adobo, and so many more dishes. I miss them all. I miss you. So much.

    Wherever you are now, I hope you can feel how much I still carry you in my heart. I celebrate you today and always.

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  • Random

    Dark War Survival

    March 27, 2025

    I found this game a few days ago.

    At first, I didn’t think much of it — just another download. But I ended up playing it for three straight days. Not because it was amazing. Not because I was hooked.

    But because it gave me something to focus on…something that wasn’t my thoughts, my frustrations, or the things in life that feel too heavy lately.

    For a little while, it helped me breathe.

    Helped me quiet the noise in my head by giving me simple goals, small wins, and a break from reality — even if just through a screen.

    I deleted it today.

    Not because I hated it, but because I felt like I needed to pull myself back a bit.

    Still, before I let it go, I linked it to my email. Just in case I ever need it again. Not for the game itself… but for the quiet it gave me, when I needed it most.

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  • Travels

    Another Airport Goodbye

    February 13, 2025

    Some plans in our family happen so fast that you barely have time to process them.

    My sister suddenly decided that it was time for Mom to visit the US again. This time, though, there was one big difference—Mom would be flying alone.

    Honestly, I wasn’t as nervous as I was the first time. She already experienced flying home by herself before, so we knew she could do it. Of course, we’d still make things as easy as possible for her. My sister arranged the same special assistance service at the airport. Mom isn’t very familiar with airports, and I know she’d get stressed trying to figure out where her gate is. Having someone assist her from check-in to boarding gives all of us peace of mind.

    The funny part is how quickly everything happened.

    My sister simply said, “Mom will fly on this date.”

    And just like that… tickets were booked.

    She even chose a Valentine’s Day flight.

    So Mom and I ended up celebrating Valentine’s Day together at the airport before saying our goodbyes. It felt a little bittersweet. Last year, we celebrated together before she left, and this year, we’re doing the exact same thing. The only difference is that when she lands, she’ll get to celebrate Valentine’s with my sister and the family over there.

    It’s strange how airports become places of both excitement and sadness at the same time.

    Before heading to the airport, we stopped by my uncle’s house. From there, we booked a ride going to the airport. Once Mom had checked in and everything was settled, I decided to go back home since I have no other place to go.

    Originally, I thought I’d stay one more day in Manila. I wanted to make the most of the trip, but I realized I didn’t really know where to go or what to do. Instead of wandering around aimlessly, I decided to head home.

    So I caught a bus and made my way back.

    Sometimes, the quiet ride home gives you enough time to think.

    Life has a funny way of moving so quickly. One moment you’re hearing about a plan, and the next you’re standing at the airport saying goodbye. It’s never easy watching someone leave, even when you know they’re heading somewhere filled with love.

    But seeing Mom become more confident each time she travels makes me proud.

    Maybe that’s the beautiful part of growing older.

    The things that once seemed impossible slowly become things we can do on our own.

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  • Random

    My Journey to 40: Accomplished Goals

    August 24, 2024

    As I approach the milestone of turning 40, I made a promise to myself: this year will count. I created a “40 Before 40” list — not just a bucket list of things to do, but a personal map of goals, challenges, and dreams I wanted to chase before stepping into a new decade. It’s been a journey of courage, change, and celebration.

    Some goals are still in progress, some are beautifully completed, and others have brought me more growth than I ever expected. Here are the highlights — my proudest, happiest, and most reflective moments so far:

    Adventure and Exploration
    • Travel somewhere SOLO – Still on the to-do list. I haven’t taken this plunge yet, but I’m planting the seed.
    • Take a road trip (April 28, 2024) DONE! We hit the road and drove through the countryside as a family — scenic views, small-town charm, and that exhilarating road trip freedom. I felt truly alive.
    • Celebrate New Year in a different province – Still hoping for this one.
    • Visit a new country – Thinking of India next. I haven’t gone yet this year, but the dream is alive — and the passport is ready!
    • Visit my nephew in North Carolina – Stayed for six months! Bonding with him and living life in a different rhythm was a highlight. A gentle, joyful chapter I’ll always remember.
    • See the Northern Lights – Oohhh… I missed the timing. But next time — I’ll be ready.
    • Move to another place – Still deciding where my next “home” will be.
    Wellness and Self-Care
    • Do a 5K run – Yes! At my own pace, no pressure. And that made it all the more meaningful.
    • Get in shape (65kg + bikini confidence) – Still working on this. Health is a journey.
    • Develop an exercise routine – Almost there. Consistency is my next milestone.
    • Enjoy regular spa days– Spa-at-home sessions = self-love. Still luxurious, still worth it.
    • Keep my face acne-free – Consistent skincare has been life-changing. The glow-up is real!
    Personal Style and Confidence
    • Try a short haircut – DONE! — and loved it. It was more than a style shift; it was a statement.
    • Lighten my hair color – A bold move out of my comfort zone — and worth it. Fresh color, fresh energy.
    • Build a capsule wardrobe – Still fine-tuning my style, but feeling more “me” every day.
    Financial Freedom
    • Get rid of credit card debt – Almost there. Some family support delays, but progress is progress.
    • Have savings and insurance – Still building this up. One step at a time.
    • Complete a 30–120 day “No Spend” challenge –  DONE! Being in the U.S. helped — no Shopee, Lazada, or FoodPanda temptations!
    Career and Creativity
    • Launch a YouTube channel – Maybe road trip stories? Still thinking about it.
    • Write in my blog daily – DONE! I’ve stayed consistent — and proud of it! This habit has sharpened my voice, helped me reflect, and allowed me to connect with others in meaningful ways.
    • Learn coding (Python) – Planning to take an online course — and it’s opened up exciting new skills and possibilities.
    • Explore a new career path – Still exploring. What truly excites me is worth the wait.
    • Take another college course – Still in the planning phase.
    • Take the board exam – A big one on the horizon.
    • Get promoted or move on – Still figuring this one out. I’m open.
    • Start a side hustle – Thinking and dreaming. Still mapping it out.
    Lifestyle and Dreams
    • Decorate or paint my rented apartment – Not applicable anymore — no more apartment!
    • Move to a condo unit – Someday, when the time (and place) feels right.
    • Buy myself an amazing 40th birthday gift – My sister gifted me the Coach bag I had been eyeing. It felt so good to be seen and celebrated.
    • Plan a memorable 40th birthday – A simple, heartfelt celebration with family. Quiet but deeply special.
    • Ride and own a motorcycle – Got my license! Now just need the family’s blessing to actually own one.
    • Buy a car – Still on the wishlist. Four wheels of freedom, coming soon.
    Learning and Passion Projects
    • Prioritize hobbies – v/blogging, journaling Yes! Making space for what brings me joy has been healing and grounding.
    • Learn Japanese – Still learning, slowly but surely.
    • Take a swim class – I love the beach. Time to learn to swim in it, too.
    Matters of the Heart
    • Become a morning person – Forever a night owl. I’ve made peace with that.
    • Get hitched and got married– If the right person comes along.
    • Have a baby – If life leads me there.
    Big Dreams
    • Manage a coffee shop – Still a dream. One day, maybe with a view.

    Not everything went as planned — but honestly, that’s life. And I’m proud of every step, even the slow ones. This list helped me focus, take risks, be honest with myself, and chase joy unapologetically. I may not check every box by 40, but what I’ve gained is far more than a list can hold.

    Here’s to everything I’ve done, everything I’m still working on, and all the beautiful unknowns ahead.

    What about you? Have you ever made a “Before 30/40/50” list? What’s one thing you’ve done this year that made you proud? Share with me in the comments — I’d love to cheer you on.

    Reflecting on these accomplishments fills me with pride and excitement for what’s to come. Each goal I’ve ticked off has brought me closer to the person I want to be as I enter this new decade of life. Here’s to the remaining goals and the adventures they’ll bring!

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  • Personal

    Dear 45-Year-Old Me

    August 23, 2024

    Dear 45-Year-Old Me,

    I hope you are okay.

    I hope the mornings feel lighter now, not because life got easier, but because you have learned how to carry things better. I wonder what your days look like. I wonder if you have finally found a rhythm that does not hurt.

    Did we make it to where we always wanted to be?

    I hope you have a job you like — or at least one that gives you peace. Something steady. Something that lets you breathe. You always said you didn’t need grand things — just something stable, something that lets you sleep at night without counting worries.

    I hope your room is quiet but not empty. That there are books, or music, or even just the sound of the fan as you rest. That your life is not loud, but it is full in its own quiet way.

    And love…

    Maybe someone came. Maybe no one did.

    But I hope you stopped measuring your worth by it.

    I hope you learned that love is not something to chase, but something that finds you when you are already whole. If they have not arrived yet, that is okay. Maybe you became everything you needed all on your own.

    I hope you are still kind — not just to others, but to yourself. I hope you do not replay old mistakes too often. I hope you have forgiven the younger version of us for not knowing better. She was trying. We both know that.

    And if things still do not look like the life we dreamed of, I hope they at least feel like something you have grown into.

    You are not late. You are just moving at your own pace.

    With all my hope,

    Your younger self

    Sometimes, life moves so fast that we forget to pause and check in with ourselves. So today, I decided to write a letter—to my future self. A letter that my 45-year-old me will one day read, filled with hopes, reminders, and maybe a little bit of advice. It’s like planting a time capsule of thoughts, dreams, and feelings that I want to remember and reflect on years from now. Writing this felt both strange and comforting, like having a conversation across time. I can’t wait to see how things have changed when I finally open it.

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  • Personal

    Me, at 40

    August 23, 2024

    I am 40 now.

    Honestly, it still feels weird to say. I thought things would look different by now. I thought I’d be more… settled. But here I am, still figuring things out.

    I left my job. I tried to make it work, stayed, hoped something better would come. It did not. I am jobless. And yeah, it is frustrating sometimes — to try and still feel like I am back at square one.

    Love? Still nothing.

    Still no one new.

    Still mending a heart that has been broken for a while now. Some days it is okay. Other days, not so much. But I have learned to sit with it — not fight it as much. Some pain just stays a little longer.

    But not everything feels heavy.

    This year, I had my first international trip.

    And I got to be with my sister again. Her family. My nephew.

    That part felt good. Like home. Like I could breathe.

    It reminded me that love shows up in different ways. And maybe that’s enough for now.

    At 40, I have not ticked all the boxes.

    No job. No partner.

    But I am here. I am trying.

    I have failed, yes — but I have also grown. Quietly. Slowly.

    I have learned to let go of things, people, places that were not for me.

    To be honest, I am still learning how to be okay with where I am.

    But I am proud I made it this far.

    So if I ever read this again someday —

    I hope I smile a little.

    And I hope I have found more peace than I have now.

    — Me, 40

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  • Travels,  USA

    Unexpected Adventures

    July 6, 2024

    We had our hearts set on Carowinds this Sunday, but our plans took an unexpected turn. The ticket prices suddenly spiked, likely due to it being the weekend. Instead of our amusement park adventure, a new plan was hatched. My sister decided to get a manicure and pedicure, while my nephew was set for a haircut after lunch. Rajha, having just finished work, planned to take a nap.

    However, a few hours later, Rajha announced he could not sleep, so off we went. My sister quickly booked online tickets for the Museum of Life and Science. We changed our course and headed straight to the museum, skipping the mani-pedi session.

    We arrived at the museum a little past noon, and it was much larger than I had anticipated. The sheer size of the place was overwhelming. After a bit of exploring, we took a break with popsicles and sandwiches, which were a nice treat after all the walking. At 2:40 PM, we hopped on the train for a tour around the museum.

    The train ride gave us a nice overview, but we were far from done exploring. We wandered through the dino trails, saw bears, lemurs, wolf pups, and tortoises. The grounds were so expansive that by the end of the day, I had racked up 7,467 steps, close to 10,000! There were also farm animals and fascinating insects to see.

    I had a blast taking photos and videos, capturing every moment. My phone storage is now full, thanks to the many pictures I snapped. This unexpected museum trip turned out to be a fantastic day filled with fun and discovery.

    Museum of Life and Sciences
    Address: 433 W Murray Ave, Durham, NC 27704

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  • Travels,  USA

    Triple Celebration

    June 22, 2024

    Last week, Thea invited my sister and her family to a special occasion—the birthday celebration of her two children and the housewarming of their new home in Graham. Mom and I tagged along. We were the first to arrive at the party. While waiting for the other guests, Thalia and Uriah immediately started playing tag. It was so much fun to watch them! They seemed to be enjoying themselves so much, running around with pure joy. We were also pleasantly surprised to see that they had rented inflatables, ensuring that the kids (and the kids at heart) wouldn’t get bored!

    As more guests arrived, the party officially started. The food was laid out on the table, and we served ourselves. Thea and her family had cooked all the delicious dishes. There were so many tasty options, clearly prepared with a lot of love and effort. After eating, we all sang happy birthday to the celebrants. The kids were so happy, surrounded by friends and family, everyone cheerfully singing along.

    Their place in Graham is beautiful—quiet, far from the crowds, and with such a refreshing ambiance. It felt like a place you’d want to stay forever! As the celebration continued, we noticed other guests slowly leaving, but we stayed until the very end. That day was truly worth it. The house was filled with laughter, stories, and joyful memories. It wasn’t just a party; it was a celebration of life, friendship, and new beginnings. Thank you, Thea, for inviting us. Until next time!

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  • Random

    A Bittersweet Farewell

    June 21, 2024

    Today, I felt a little pang of sadness.

    It happened when I noticed I had been removed from the Viber group, “Team Loxon.” Just a small notification, really — just a group that’s no longer on my screen. But it struck a chord deeper than I expected. That quiet removal felt like a closing door, like the final period at the end of a long chapter.

    It’s strange how something so simple can stir up emotions you thought were settled. I guess I was hoping, maybe just quietly, that there would be a goodbye. A short message. A few words to acknowledge that I had been part of something, that I had contributed, even in small ways. Just a “thank you,” or a “you’ll be missed.” But there was only silence.

    And I get it — people are busy. Everyone moves forward with their own concerns, their own to-do lists, their own paths. It wasn’t personal, and maybe there was no malice behind it at all. Still, that absence of closure stung. Because even when we choose to leave something behind, we often hope that what we gave mattered to someone.

    But as the initial sadness settled, I reminded myself: this was a step I chose. A decision I made for my well-being, for my growth, for the next phase of my life. And sometimes, even necessary change comes with quiet losses. Not everything ends with a bow. Not every goodbye is spoken aloud.

    I’m choosing to focus on the good — the time I spent with Team Loxon was valuable. I learned new things. I faced challenges. I grew. I laughed. I shared space with people who, in that season of life, walked alongside me. For that, I am grateful.

    And maybe not all goodbyes need words. Maybe some endings are just meant to teach us to let go with grace, even if the departure feels unnoticed.

    So here I am, closing this chapter in my own way — with a heart full of appreciation, a tinge of sadness, and an open mind for what’s to come. The silence doesn’t erase the memories, and being removed from a group doesn’t erase the part I played in it.

    Here’s to new beginnings — quiet, soft, and full of possibility.

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  • Random,  Shopping

    Yearning for Amazon Finds

    June 18, 2024

    Today, I found myself browsing Amazon, and my fingers were itching to click that checkout button. If only I had the money, I would’ve already checked out everything in my cart. There are a few things I’ve been eyeing—like iPhone cases. Specifically, I want a transparent one, and a classy black one.

    Aside from phone cases, I’m also itching to get myself a Stalogy notebook. There’s something about starting fresh with a crisp, new notebook/journal that gets me excited about journaling my days. And of course, I can’t forget about pens! A good set of pens makes planning and note-taking so much more enjoyable.

    However, the reality is that I am currently without work. I’m hopeful that things will turn around soon. But for now, my shopping spree remains a daydream. I’ll have to hold off until my wallet agrees with my wishlist. Until then, I’ll keep adding items to my cart and imagining the day when I can finally hit that “Place Your Order” button without a second thought.

    Maybe soon I’ll find a way to treat myself to a few of these goodies. For now, I’ll just enjoy the anticipation and keep my fingers crossed for some extra cash to come my way. I’ll stay patient and keep my spirits high. I know that better days are ahead. Until then, I’ll enjoy the thrill of window shopping and planning for brighter times ahead.

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