A Goodbye I Didn’t Want to Write

Dear Blog,

Today, I did something that felt both heavy and freeing—I let go of someone who had quietly become part of my every day.

His name is Jubal. We met through a game—Dark War Survival. A simple invite turned into long chats, late-night messages, voice notes, laughter, and daily check-ins. What started as gaming slowly turned into something gentler, more constant. He became a comfort. My favorite distraction. My highlight.

But lately… things changed. The replies became shorter. The tone colder. And eventually, the silence between us grew louder than the conversations ever were.

I asked if something was wrong. He said, “Nothing’s wrong.” But I could feel it.

Still, I waited. I held on—maybe longer than I should have. I told myself the silence was temporary. That maybe one day I’d get a voice note again or even just a “Hey, I missed you.” But that day never came.

So I wrote him one last message. Not to beg, not to blame. Just to be honest.

His reply was one word: “Okay.”

And that was the moment I knew—we were no longer holding the same thing.

So I quietly let go.

I deleted Dark War Survival. I disabled Discord. Not out of anger, but as a way to protect the part of me that had slowly started to feel exposed.

And it hurt—because for over a month, he was someone I looked forward to. Someone who asked if I’d eaten, teased me about Coke, told me to get up and stretch. We talked about food, dogs, our shared ECE backgrounds, love, connection. And now… silence.

But I don’t regret a thing.

He reminded me that I can feel again. That I want to feel again. That even behind a screen, across countries and time zones, something real can still form. Something tender. Even if it doesn’t last.

So this isn’t a goodbye. Not really.

It’s just me choosing myself for now. Moving forward. With grace. With the quiet hope that if what we had meant something on his end too, maybe… someday… we’ll find our way back to that version of us.

And if not, that’s okay too.

Thank you, Jubal, for being a small but meaningful chapter in my story. I just wish it had lasted a little longer.

⸻

P.S. There’s something I couldn’t say out loud—so I wrote it instead. It’s tucked away here, password protected.
Password: yourfullname
Only you were meant to read it.

Love,
Me