• Personal

    A Response, At Last

    May 31, 2025

    After days of silence, he finally responded.

    Maybe it was my last message that reached something in him. Whatever it was, he repliedā€”and that alone means something.

    His message? Honest. Gentle. But still, it stung. Heā€™s seeing someone now.

    Yeahā€¦ it hurts a little. Okay, more than a little. Knowing he has deep feelings for this personā€”someone who isnā€™t meā€”it pulled at something inside me.

    But at the same time, Iā€™m grateful. Grateful that he was honest with me. That he didnā€™t leave me wondering. I respect him for following his heart, even if that path doesnā€™t include me the way I once hoped.

    I took a deep breath after reading his words. And I held onto the memoriesā€”those chats we used to have, those fun, endless conversations that felt like home for a while. They meant something to me. They still do.

    So no bitterness here. No regrets. Just a quiet thank you for the moments we shared.

    And a sincere wishā€”for him and the person who now holds his heart. I wish them happiness. Truly.

    As for me, Iā€™ll carry on. A little stronger, a little softer. And maybe, in time, my heart will find its own someone too.

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  • Personal

    When I Chose Courage Over Silence

    May 31, 2025

    Dear Blog,

    Today, I did something brave. Or maybe something emotional. Or maybe both.

    I sent him a lot of messagesā€¦ like, five long ones. Yeah, I know ā€” a lot. But when your heart feels heavy and full of things left unsaid, sometimes it just spills over. And thatā€™s exactly what happened today.

    I told him I miss him. That Iā€™ve never really stopped caring, even when things went quiet. I just couldnā€™t pretend anymore that the silence didnā€™t hurt.

    So I said what I needed to say ā€” that I donā€™t want us to drift apart without at least knowing how he feels. Not knowing is a kind of ache that lingers in the background, and I guess I was done carrying that alone.

    At one point, I even asked, ā€œWhat did you do to me?ā€ Not in a bitter way, justā€¦ wondering how someone could leave such an imprint on me without even trying.

    It was vulnerable, raw, and maybe a little too much ā€” but it was real. I told him that if he sees my messages, I hope he wonā€™t ignore them. That if anything Iā€™ve said still means something to him, even just a little, Iā€™d appreciate hearing something. Anything.

    Because silence doesnā€™t always feel like peace ā€” sometimes it feels like being forgotten.

    And in the last message, I gave him something softer. I know heā€™s cautious ā€” careful with his heart, with his steps, with people. But I reminded him that life doesnā€™t always wait for us to feel ready. Sometimes, we miss good things because weā€™re too afraid to take a chance on them.

    I donā€™t know if heā€™ll respond.

    I donā€™t know if it reached him, or if I just poured my feelings into a quiet void.

    But I do know this: today, I spoke from the heart. And no matter what happens, I wonā€™t regret being honest.

    Because caring isnā€™t weakness. Sometimes, itā€™s the strongest thing you can do.

    ā€” Me

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  • Personal

    A Message Sent from the Heart

    May 31, 2025

    Yesterday, I did something I never thought Iā€™d have the courage to doā€”I messaged him. Again.

    It took so much from me to hit that send button. I actually sent him an email first since I couldnā€™t open Discord anymoreā€”I deleted it. Email was the only way I could think of to reach him. Just that one thread of connection left.

    As for Dark War Survival, Iā€™ve already let that go. Deleted the game, removed Telegram too. I donā€™t have any of his contacts anymore. So, this messageā€¦ it was really all I had left.

    And yes, I knowā€”it was brave of me. Braver than Iā€™ve ever been before. I havenā€™t done this in any of my past. I wasnā€™t even planning to send it today. I thought maybe on the 31st. But something in meā€”my heart or maybe my restless mindā€”just said, ā€œDo it now.ā€ So I did.

    Now here I am, sitting with this weight of uncertainty. I donā€™t know what to expect, honestly. Part of me hopes heā€™ll read it. And maybe, just maybe, heā€™ll reply. Even just a simple ā€œHiā€ or ā€œHow are you feeling?ā€ Like how we used to talkā€”those easy, fun conversations that flowed endlessly, mostly about games and random stuff. I miss those days so much.

    I miss my friend. That version of us when things were simple and warm and full of excitement over the smallest things. Iā€™m still hoping, somehow, we can bring that back.

    And if we canā€™t? I still hope for a fresh start. A clean slate.

    Maybe one message can lead to something better. Maybe.

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  • Random

    Rainy Days

    May 30, 2025

    Itā€™s raining again today. And just like so many times before, you came to mind.
    Thereā€™s this one memory that always returns when it rainsā€”the one where you sent me a video from your place. I couldnā€™t even see the rain clearly, but I could hear itā€¦ and your voice in the background. I remember how much you said you loved the rain.

    Funny how I used to hate it. I really did.

    But because of you, I started to love it in small ways. Like how it waters the plants for me, saving me the effort of lugging a heavy pail since our hose doesnā€™t quite reach everything. Rain makes things a little easier, a little softer.

    But itā€™s not just the plants I think about.

    The rain brings back all sorts of memoriesā€”some sweet, some a bit wild (Iā€™ll keep that one to myself). Still, they all point back to a time I miss. I hope youā€™re doing well, wherever you are. As for me? Iā€™m still finding my way. Still not quite okay.

    I sent you an email recently, hoping you’d see it. I donā€™t know if you will. Itā€™s the only thing I could hold ontoā€”your email address still stuck in my memory. I deleted Dark Wars, disabled Discord, and I couldnā€™t find you on Telegram anymore.

    But the rain? It finds me every time.

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  • Personal

    It Was Almost Something

    May 29, 2025

    It wasnā€™t loveā€”
    not the kind with promises,
    not the kind that stays.
    But it was something.

    A glance that lingered,
    a message that made me smile,
    a voice I wanted to keep
    like a favorite song
    I wasnā€™t ready to forget.

    For a while,
    it felt like we were building
    something quiet,
    something real.

    Then came the silenceā€”
    not loud, not cruel,
    just slow.
    Distant.

    And I didnā€™t know how to hold on
    to something slipping
    without a sound.

    I miss you.
    Not because we had everythingā€”
    but because we almost did.

    And sometimes,
    itā€™s the almosts
    that hurt
    the most.

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  • Random

    Where We Met, Where We Drifted

    May 28, 2025

    We met in Dark War Survival game
    Through an alliance lost to night.
    Yet memories of our firsts remain,
    Playing side by side, through joy and pain.

    You reinforced my base with care,
    A quiet trust was in the air.
    We moved alliances, then it drifted apart,
    You moved onā€”I stayed, with a hesitant heart.

    Should I have followed where you went?
    A question Iā€™ve often quietly spent.
    You moved again and called me near,
    But stayed for another week.

    Now we share the same alliance once more,
    But the bond we had is not as before.
    Iā€™ve deleted Dark Wars, closed that door,
    Yet in my heart, I still want more.

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