• Dear Jhi

    The Day You Asked for My Number

    July 7, 2026

    Dear Jhi,

    It’s only been three days since we started getting to know each other, but I already find myself smiling whenever I think about how all of this began.

    I still remember the day you asked for my number.

    It was such a simple question, yet somehow it became the start of something I never expected. If I had known that one message would turn into hours of conversations and laughter, I probably would have smiled even wider before sending my reply.

    Three days.

    It sounds like such a short time, yet it already feels like we’ve shared so many little moments. Every conversation seems to make it easier to know you, and every message gives me another reason to look forward to checking my phone.

    I like how easy it feels to talk to you. There’s no pressure to pretend to be someone I’m not. Somehow, our conversations just flow, and before I know it, hours have already passed.

    Who knew that exchanging phone numbers could lead to this?

    Maybe it’s too early to know where this story is going. Maybe we’re still only on the first few pages. But I hope we keep writing them, one conversation at a time.

    For now, I’m simply grateful that you asked for my number.

    Because of that one small moment, I got the chance to meet someone who has already made ordinary days feel a little brighter.

    Here’s to more conversations, more laughter, and getting to know each other a little more every day.

    Always, Nikka

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  • Health/Wellness,  Travels

    Another Climb, Another Memory

    May 9, 2026

    The photos from our first hike at Rolling Hills somehow made their way around the family. Before I knew it, some of my cousins, nieces, and nephews wanted to experience it too. And just like that, another climb was planned.

    There was only one problem. A forest fire had happened not long before our hike. The surroundings were still fresh from it, and there were even areas where you could still see smoke rising from the ground. I honestly thought the hike would be canceled. There weren’t any updates in our group chat, so I assumed it wasn’t pushing through anymore.

    Then suddenly… It was on.

    I rushed to change into my hiking clothes. No time for a proper shower this time (don’t worry, I showered before going to bed the night before). Everyone was already waiting, and I didn’t want to make them wait any longer. Thank you, guys, for being patient with me.

    This hike was different from the last one. We didn’t really pack food. I only brought a few pieces of candy because I knew I’d need something sweet along the way. I wasn’t feeling as energetic as I hoped, but somehow my legs kept moving.

    The climb felt much quicker this time, probably because there were more of us. We were around twelve in total—cousins, nieces, and nephews—and I honestly loved that. Hiking is fun, but sharing it with family makes it even better.

    Even though parts of the mountain had been burned by the fire, the beauty of the place was still there. Nature has an incredible way of healing itself. Standing there reminded me once again how amazing God’s creation is. It’s hard to believe that after everything the mountain had gone through, it could still leave us in awe.

    Of course, we spent a few minutes at the top taking lots and lots of photos before heading back home.

    Going down was… a different story.

    Instead of taking the same trail, we used another route. Normally, I enjoy exploring different paths because every trail feels like a new adventure.

    This one? Not so much.

    It was unbelievably steep and slippery. There were moments when I could clearly see where I’d end up if I lost my footing, and that alone made my heart race. I found myself sitting down just to safely slide through some parts because it honestly felt easier than trying to stay on my feet.

    There were moments when I truly wondered if I’d ever make it to the bottom. I was so nervous that I felt like my legs would give up before I did. But thankfully, I reached the end safely—not even a scratch.

    Although next time… I’m definitely wearing leggings instead of shorts. After taking a shower at home, my legs were stinging from all the grass and tiny scratches I didn’t even notice during the hike.

    The funny thing is, I didn’t really feel tired while climbing. It only hit me once we were already at the bottom. Suddenly my legs and thighs were aching so much that all I wanted to do was sit down and not move for a while.

    It was the kind of exhaustion that reminds you that your body worked hard today.

    Still, I’m incredibly thankful. Thankful that I made it through another climb safely. Thankful for the beautiful views. Thankful for another adventure with family.

    And most of all, thankful to my dear cousins, nieces, and nephews for waiting for me every single time I fell behind. I’m always the slow walker in the group, but not once did they make me feel like I was slowing everyone down.

    Sometimes the slowest person just gets a little more time to appreciate the view.

    Until the next climb.

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  • Health/Wellness,  Travels

    A Day I Almost Said No to

    May 4, 2026
    Ever since I got back home, I barely go out anymore. If I do leave the house, it’s usually just to run an errand or have a quick catch-up with a friend. Then it’s straight back home again. Most days, I’m perfectly content staying in my room. It’s funny because I wasn’t always like this. I used to be the type who was always out. I’d find reasons to leave the house, go somewhere, explore, or simply be around people. Now? I’d rather stay indoors. I guess this is what my introvert side looks like. Although I still think I can be both—someone who enjoys being around people and someone who loves staying home. It just so happens that, right now, staying home wins almost every time. That’s why I surprised myself when my uncle invited me to his son Rolly’s christening celebration. My first instinct, as always, was to say no. I’ve become really good at declining invitations. But for some reason… I went anyway. And I’m so glad I did. Because that day, I saw Ate Laarni. The last time I remember seeing her, I was probably still in high school. After that, life happened, and years quietly passed by without us crossing paths again. Seeing her again made me so happy. We talked, laughed, and caught up as if no time had passed at all. I actually ended up staying much longer than I originally planned because of her. I honestly just wanted to keep talking. I missed her that much. I had no plans of staying until evening. But one conversation led to another, then somehow there were drinks involved, and before I knew it, it was already late at night. Then someone casually suggested, “Let’s hike Rolling Hills Monday morning.” And somehow… We all agreed. So on a Monday morning, the five of us—Ate Laarni, her daughter, her son, our niece MJ, and I—headed out for the hike. There were only five of us, but it turned out to be one of those simple days that become unforgettable. It was actually my first time hiking Rolling Hills here in our town. And wow… The view from the top was worth every step. You could see almost the entire town. The bridge stretched across the view, the cell tower stood proudly in the distance, and everything looked so small from up there. Our house wasn’t even visible anymore. It’s funny how climbing a hill can change your perspective—literally. I wasn’t even sure I’d make it. I was out of breath almost the entire way up. To be fair, I hadn’t slept well the night before. I also haven’t been exercising lately, so my body definitely reminded me of that. Good thing I packed a few tusok-tusok snacks for the hike. Maybe I couldn’t sleep because I was excited. Or maybe… I just really couldn’t sleep. Who knows? Even while catching my breath every few minutes, I kept thinking it was worth it. Sometimes the best memories come from saying yes to plans you almost turned down. I took lots of photos, of course. I always do. But I don’t think pictures could ever fully capture what it felt like standing up there. Some places are simply more beautiful in person. We took the same trail back down, although I found out later there’s actually another route that’s much shorter. Maybe next time. Because yes… I think there’ll be a next time. And hopefully, I’ll be in better shape by then.
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  • Random

    A Picnic that Felt Like Childhood Again

    April 26, 2026

    We are really making the most of the time while our cousin, Ate Laarni, is here in the province. Since everyone is together, of course a picnic by the river had to happen.

    I honestly thought everything was already prepared before we left. I imagined we’d just light the grill, cook the food, and enjoy eating by the river.

    Apparently… I was very wrong.

    Some of us kept going back and forth to the house because we kept forgetting things. One minute someone needed cooking utensils. The next trip was for another ingredient. Then someone realized we forgot something else again. I honestly didn’t know whether to laugh or just shake my head.

    It was such a funny sight.

    We are all grown-ups now—most of us are already in our 40s—but for a moment, it felt like we were little kids again.

    The whole day reminded me so much of the picnics we used to have with my dad. We’d gather by the river, grill food, cook rice over the fire, and eat together surrounded by nature. Those memories came rushing back as we prepared everything.

    It did not feel like decades had passed.

    Now, the difference is that many of my cousins have children of their own running around while we prepare the food.

    As for me… Well, I am still the single one.

    One of the highlights of the day was the fresh tilapia. The fish they caught were cleaned right there by the river—gills and insides removed, washed carefully, and then cooked two ways. Some became a warm fish soup, while the others were grilled over charcoal. We even cooked rice there, just like the old days.

    To make it even more special, Dad’s youngest sibling joined us too. Having everyone there made the picnic feel complete.

    Looking back, I realized I barely took any photos of my cousins or my nieces and nephews. Normally, I’d be walking around with my phone, documenting everything.

    This time, I simply forgot. And honestly, I’m glad I did.

    Instead of looking through a screen, I was fully present. I enjoyed the conversations, the laughter, the delicious food, and the peaceful sound of the river. Sometimes the best memories aren’t the ones we capture in photos—they’re the ones we simply live.

    I do not join family outings very often, so this was a nice change. It reminded me how important it is to say yes once in a while because these moments don’t happen every day. Some memories are not created by expensive plans.

    Sometimes, all it takes is a river, freshly cooked food, people you love, and a day that quietly takes you back to your childhood.

    I’m really grateful I got to be part of this one.

    Read More
  • Future Letter

    To the Man Still Finding His Way to Me

    February 14, 2026

    Dear You,

    Maybe we’ve already crossed paths without realizing it. Maybe you’re living a life completely separate from mine, unaware that somewhere, someone is quietly hoping you’ll exist exactly as you are.

    Or maybe you’re still becoming the man I’ll eventually meet. I wonder what your days look like.

    I wonder if you’ve had your heart broken too. If you’ve questioned your worth. If you’ve stayed awake at 2 a.m. wondering why some people leave without saying goodbye.

    I hope life has been kind to you. But if it hasn’t, I hope it made you gentle instead of bitter.

    Before you came into my life, there were days I questioned if love was still meant for me.

    There were moments when I thought maybe I was simply someone people visited but never stayed for.

    I waited for messages that never came. I replayed conversations in my head. I wondered if I had said too much… or not enough.

    Slowly, I learned that waiting for someone else’s attention is a lonely way to live.

    So while I waited for you—even without knowing I was waiting—I started learning how to choose myself.

    I built little dreams. I found comfort in writing. I learned to enjoy my own company again. I laughed at things that once made me cry. And piece by piece, I became someone I was proud of.

    I hope when we meet, neither of us is looking for someone to complete us. I hope we’re simply two whole people choosing each other every single day.

    When life gets busy, I hope we never stop checking in. Not because we have to. But because we’ll always want to know how the other person is doing. I hope we become the kind of couple who can sit together in complete silence without it feeling empty.

    The kind who laugh over the smallest things. The kind who still hold hands years later. The kind who choose kindness during arguments. The kind who remember that it’s us against the problem—not us against each other.

    Please don’t disappear when life becomes difficult. Tell me you’re overwhelmed. Tell me you need time. Tell me you’re tired. Just don’t leave me guessing. I promise I’ll do the same for you. I don’t need perfection. I don’t need expensive dates. I don’t need grand romantic gestures every day. I just want consistency.

    A “Drive safely.” A “Have you eaten?” A random hug in the kitchen. A smile from across the room.

    Someone who stays. Someone who means what he says. Someone whose actions make me feel safe.

    If you’re reading this someday beside me, I hope you know how grateful I am that our stories eventually found each other.

    Thank you for arriving when the timing was finally right. Thank you for not making me chase love. Thank you for reminding me that healthy love doesn’t feel confusing.

    It feels peaceful.

    And if today we haven’t met yet… I’ll keep living. I’ll keep growing. I’ll keep becoming the woman you’ll be proud to love.

    Take your time.

    I’ll be here, building a beautiful life—not because I’m waiting for you, but because when you finally arrive, I want to welcome you into a life that’s already full of hope.

    Until then, I’ll save a little space beside me.

    Love, The Woman Who Can’t Wait to Meet You

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  • Future Letter

    From Your Future Healed Self

    June 5, 2025

    Sometimes the weight gets too heavy, and the silence too loud.
    This letter isn’t just words — it’s me reaching toward a version of myself I don’t feel yet, but hope to meet one day.
    She’s stronger, softer, and no longer breaking.

    This is for her —
    and for the me who is trying to get there.

    Hey Self,

Remember where you are right now.

I remember the ache that sat heavy in your chest every morning.

I remember missing him so much it felt like something inside you broke.

I want you to know — you didn’t do anything wrong. You loved in the only way you knew how: fully, honestly, quietly. That mattered.

And even though it hurt like hell to let go, it was an act of self-love you didn’t fully understand at the time. You were choosing peace, even before it felt peaceful.

I won’t lie to you — it took time. Some nights, the missing came in waves. But day by day, your heart softened. You stopped reaching for his name in your notifications. You stopped needing his voice to feel like you mattered.

You found you again. Not the version of you that waited for messages, but the one who smiles without needing a reason. The one who loves softly, but never forgets her own worth.

I'm proud of you. For every tear, every word you wrote, every day you got out of bed. You made it.

And when you're ready, love will find you again — the kind that stays, and meets you where you are.

But for now, just breathe. You're doing better than you think.

I’m here.

Always, Self

    If you’re reading this and you’re hurting too — you’re not alone. Some losses don’t come with closure. Some love doesn’t get to grow. But healing isn’t about forgetting — it’s about finding peace in remembering.
    And maybe one day, we’ll look back at this moment and whisper to ourselves: “Thank you for holding on.” 

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  • Personal

    That Ride I Thought Would Be My Last

    June 2, 2025

    Today gave me a real scare. I was on my way somewhere when suddenly the vehicle I was riding started swerving. Not just once—but several times. It felt like we were seconds away from tipping over. It was going way too fast for comfort, and I could feel my heart pounding in my chest.

    I froze. My hands were cold, my heart was racing. I looked out the window, and for a moment—just one moment—I told myself:

    “Lord, if this is it… don’t bring me back. Just let it be quick.”

    That thought scared me even more than the ride.

    I kept looking at the driver, trying to make sense of what was happening. There was nothing on the road to avoid. No sudden obstacle. No sharp turn. That’s when it hit me—did he fell asleep? He didn’t brake. He didn’t swerve to avoid anything. It just… happened.

    I tried to stay calm, but I could feel my hands shaking and my breath getting shallow. That kind of fear—the kind where you realize how quickly things can change—really sticks with you.

    What really made it worse is that I am solo in this country. No family, no familiar faces to run to if things go wrong. That moment made me feel how vulnerable I really am here.

    And you know what? I could have said something.
    I could have asked the driver what the hell happened.
    I could have scolded him for risking our lives.
    I could have demanded an explanation.

    But I didn’t.

    I just looked at him and said, “Thank you.”

    Not because he deserved it.
    Not because I wasn’t angry or afraid.
    But because in that moment, I was just grateful to still be standing.

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  • Poetry

    When I’m Heartbroken

    June 1, 2025

    When I’m heartbroken, I start to write,
    Not for the world, just to feel right.
    I don’t plan it, don’t make it neat,
    Just pour out thoughts I can’t repeat.

    Journals, blogs, and poems too,
    A place to hold what I’ve been through.
    If I don’t let it find its way,
    The weight gets heavier every day.

    Some lines make sense, some just bleed,
    But writing gives me what I need.
    A quiet space, a softer tone,
    To speak the things I feel alone.

    It doesn’t fix the pain I know,
    But gives it somewhere else to go.
    And sometimes that’s the only way
    To make it through another day.

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  • Personal

    When I Chose Courage Over Silence

    May 31, 2025

    Dear Blog,

    Today, I did something brave. Or maybe something emotional. Or maybe both.

    I sent him a lot of messages… like, five long ones. Yeah, I know — a lot. But when your heart feels heavy and full of things left unsaid, sometimes it just spills over. And that’s exactly what happened today.

    I told him I miss him. That I’ve never really stopped caring, even when things went quiet. I just couldn’t pretend anymore that the silence didn’t hurt.

    So I said what I needed to say — that I don’t want us to drift apart without at least knowing how he feels. Not knowing is a kind of ache that lingers in the background, and I guess I was done carrying that alone.

    At one point, I even asked, “What did you do to me?” Not in a bitter way, just… wondering how someone could leave such an imprint on me without even trying.

    It was vulnerable, raw, and maybe a little too much — but it was real. I told him that if he sees my messages, I hope he won’t ignore them. That if anything I’ve said still means something to him, even just a little, I’d appreciate hearing something. Anything.

    Because silence doesn’t always feel like peace — sometimes it feels like being forgotten.

    And in the last message, I gave him something softer. I know he’s cautious — careful with his heart, with his steps, with people. But I reminded him that life doesn’t always wait for us to feel ready. Sometimes, we miss good things because we’re too afraid to take a chance on them.

    I don’t know if he’ll respond.

    I don’t know if it reached him, or if I just poured my feelings into a quiet void.

    But I do know this: today, I spoke from the heart. And no matter what happens, I won’t regret being honest.

    Because caring isn’t weakness. Sometimes, it’s the strongest thing you can do.

    — Me

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  • Poetry

    It Was Almost Something

    May 29, 2025

    It wasn’t love—
    not the kind with promises,
    not the kind that stays.
    But it was something.

    A glance that lingered,
    a message that made me smile,
    a voice I wanted to keep
    like a favorite song
    I wasn’t ready to forget.

    For a while,
    it felt like we were building
    something quiet,
    something real.

    Then came the silence—
    not loud, not cruel,
    just slow.
    Distant.

    And I didn’t know how to hold on
    to something slipping
    without a sound.

    I miss you.
    Not because we had everything—
    but because we almost did.

    And sometimes,
    it’s the almosts
    that hurt
    the most.

    Read More
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