I am 40 now.
Honestly, it still feels weird to say. I thought things would look different by now. I thought I’d be more… settled. But here I am, still figuring things out.
I left my job. I tried to make it work, stayed, hoped something better would come. It did not. I am jobless. And yeah, it is frustrating sometimes — to try and still feel like I am back at square one.
Love? Still nothing.
Still no one new.
Still mending a heart that has been broken for a while now. Some days it is okay. Other days, not so much. But I have learned to sit with it — not fight it as much. Some pain just stays a little longer.
But not everything feels heavy.
This year, I had my first international trip.
And I got to be with my sister again. Her family. My nephew.
That part felt good. Like home. Like I could breathe.
It reminded me that love shows up in different ways. And maybe that’s enough for now.
At 40, I have not ticked all the boxes.
No job. No partner.
But I am here. I am trying.
I have failed, yes — but I have also grown. Quietly. Slowly.
I have learned to let go of things, people, places that were not for me.
To be honest, I am still learning how to be okay with where I am.
But I am proud I made it this far.
So if I ever read this again someday —
I hope I smile a little.
And I hope I have found more peace than I have now.
— Me, 40
